Permission to say, “No”:

My youngest sister and her husband came to visit for our Halloween party and to pick up some baby stuff that we are no longer using! We had such an amazing time with them, and I’m not sure if I wasn’t paying attention to my body needing rest or the stress of throwing a party for 50 people, or a combination of many things, but I had a pretty intense seizure Saturday night after the party. I was SO bummed because we had planned to go zip lining Sunday morning with my brother-in-law on a course in the mountains that we heard was really awesome.

Normally I don’t let my epilepsy stop me or ruin plans, but looking at my two amazing kiddos all I could think was, “If you have a seizure that’s it. There isn’t someone to catch you, your husband won’t be right there to make sure you don’t get hurt. So if you really want to go, you need to think about that”. And in a millisecond I made the decision to skip this particular event.

Was I upset? Yes. I really wanted to go zip lining. I didn’t want my epilepsy to get in the way.

I didn’t have a seizure on Sunday, and so maybe I would’ve gone and everything would’ve been fine. But maybe it wouldn’t have been, and that’s why I am 100% proud of myself for not letting my stubbornness and determination to “not let epilepsy define my life” make a decision that could have led to one final kiss on those sweet baby’s heads. It was a chance I was not willing to take.

These are the times that saying No isn’t even a hard choice to make.  It is a personal decision on whether or not to have kids for every single person, with epilepsy or without. For me, this has been the absolute best decision of my life. These kids inspire me every single day to live my best life. To be the best mom I can be, even when I feel like crap. Getting up in the middle of the night with my little girl is hard sometimes, but I can’t imagine my life any other way.

Sunday I said “No” so that I can have many more opportunities to say, “Yes”!

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